For her Heart of the Matter podcast, Cynthia L. Simmons and I discussed parent-child personality differences and homeschooling. We also looked back through history at one 1930s mom’s parenting style.
Interview with Cynthia L. Simmons and Laurie Winslow Sargent: Heart of the Matter Radio
For the Oct 2, 2020 podcast, How to Delight in Your Child as You Homeschool, Cynthia asked me great questions related to the book Delight in Your Child’s Design. We talked about ways to inject more fun into parenting that allow children to learn more organically. In other words, when they’re having fun, they don’t always realize they’re also learning. We also talked about leaving a legacy of playful parenting, and about how in some ways parenting has changed little in a century. In this blog post I share a bit of what we discussed, plus a time capsule tip:
Today, I (Laurie) in 2020 had the delight of Skyping with my daughter and grand-babies. In this modern age of motherhood and grandmotherhood, I can see them instantly. I can even capture video or screenshots of them while we video-chat! My oldest granddaughter, 2 1/2 years old, is so accustomed to this she is mystified when we have a regular phone call. “Grandmama? Grandmama? I can’t see you!”
But nearly a century ago, news from Gladys to her mother about her babies took ages to arrive. Letters and photos traveled via very long, slow steamships from India to America.
She and her husband Ken, a forestry expert from Seattle, were living at Ootacamund Hill Station among British officers (and occasional royalty) during the British Raj era.
Gladys, who loved to write, used sweet prose to describe her newborn:
Braemar, Ootacamund Hill Station
7 May, 1929
Dear Mother and Dad,
I’ve just tucked Pamela, now seven weeks old, in her little bed. She is a fascinating little miss. The last I saw, she had both little hands flying back and forth and she was agoo-ing for all she was worth. Not a whimper when I left and the light went off. Her little bed is alongside ours so I know what she is doing.
She is getting so plump — little dimples in her elbows and back and one below her little mouth at one corner. The other day, three children came to see her and she cooed and “talked” to them in the cunningest way I’ve ever seen. Babies seem to speak to other children in a language we do not understand.
Pamela as yet refuses to let us know what color her hair is, and whether it is to be straight or curly. Her first hair was brown and decidedly straight. Now her little head is covered with a fine down that at times looks yellow and at other times brown with auburn lights.
She has very keen eyes. When she awakens they just shine and she reminds me of a little bird. Her mouth is an adorable rosebud and she is just finding her tongue and loves making gurgling noises, and then looks so surprised and delighted. She is now placing the direction from which sounds come, like approaching footsteps. Most gratifying of all, she knows me.
The monsoon has come early. We have heavy rain every afternoon and evening. Tonight it simply pelted down. There was some hail in it.
There are beautiful walks out from Braemar. Now the rain has settled the dust, it is nicer than ever. Sunday home mail brought by the last ship was a tremendous success: I got 11 letters. I scarcely know where to begin answering them.
I am knitting a pull-on teddy bear suit for baby for travel. Pamela sends a kiss to each of her grandparents, and says tell you she will be coming home to you soon for home leave. I also send love and much of it.
Your daughter, Gladys
From Laurie: Isn’t it funny that teddy bear outfits are still considered cute on babies? My own grand-babies have a few sweater hoods with bear ears!
Here’s a fun little quiz to help you appreciate your child’s strongest personality traits. (Excerpt from: Delight in Your Child’s Design)
Today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I’m momentarily departing from my current history/writing blogging themes. As a parenting author too, it’s hard to resist sharing this previously published book of mine, with its gorgeous cover created by Kendall Roderick. Because of course, all books are labors of love! They are our other “babies”.
I promise that with my next posts, I’ll get back to Gladys and her 1920s jungle adventures, with more stories like One Less Crocodile, A Naughty Baby Elephant and 1923: Ken in the Raj. But if you are a parent or grandparent, you may find this fun:
Regarding your child’s character traits, do you ever wonder: “Why does my child act this way?”
In some ways, determining your child’s personality is an inexact science. She is likely a blend of more than one personality type, and a child’s relationships and experiences also influence behavior.
This fun little quiz, written by Kim Miller (one of my superb former editors at Tyndale), was originally posted at my Parenting by Faith site. It has nine questions — after question 2, click Read More to see the rest of the quiz.
By answering these questions, can you can discern a pattern in your child’s behavior? That may help you understand and identify some of his or her strongest personality traits:
1. You can truthfully say, “I’d be a millionaire if only I could bottle and sell my child’s . . .”
a. optimism. b. persistence. c. kindness. d. confidence.
2. Your son keeps you up until 2 a.m. the night before his school’s science fair because:
a. though he’s been talking for days about his great plans, he casually mentions over dinner that he hasn’t actually started his project yet. b. he refuses to go to bed until you help him make sure that each planet in his model of the solar system is exactly to scale. c. he spent so much time helping his best friend finish his project that he’s starting his own late. d. he’s willing to sacrifice sleep in order to be sure his complicated and innovative project is better than anyone else’s—and will win the blue ribbon.
3. When you take your daughter to her first overnight camp, you are impressed because she:
a. charms her counselor and makes five new friends before she’s unpacked her bags. b. completes all five levels of the Red Cross swimming safety course in just one week. c. is able to restore peace to her cabin after one camper unfairly accuses another of swiping a CD. d. organizes and emcees the final night’s camper talent show.
4. Your daughter comes home from school crying because:
a. a boy drew laughs after school by mimicking her enthusiastic cheering during the previous day’s football game. b. despite carefully following all her teacher’s detailed directions, she received a C on her art project. c. she watched another child being mercilessly teased on the bus ride home and was unable to stop the bullies from picking on that classmate. d. she lost her class’s election for a seat on the student council.
5. When your child’s teacher tells you how much she enjoys having your son in class, it is most likely because:
a. he’s creative, cheerful, and comes up with great new ideas. b. he doesn’t quit but keeps working on a project until it’s done right. c. he listens calmly and intently in class and does everything he can to please his teachers. d. he catches on to material quickly and enjoys teaching other kids what he knows.
6. At age four, your child likes playing in the big sandbox at the park because:
a. it is the best place to find a new friend to play with or someone else to talk to. b. he loves to use his forty-eight-piece sand-castle kit to build intricate buildings. c. he can see you sitting on the nearby bench at all times and knows you’ll step in to help if an older child tries to steal his toys. d. he has a captive audience and can tell everyone else what to build.
7. Your child’s excuse for not cleaning her room on Saturday morning is that:
a. she wants to tell you all about your neighbor’s new puppy first. b. there’s nothing to clean. You walk in her room and find out she’s right—everything is already clean and neatly organized. c. she’s unsure where to start. d. she shouldn’t have to clean her room until you start cleaning the rest of the house.
8. When you ask your child whether he’d like to return to your family’s favorite vacation spot or take a sightseeing tour to New York City this summer, here is his reaction:
a. New York City! Maybe he’ll actually run into celebrities when your family walks down Broadway. In fact, maybe one of them will even invite him to a casting call! b. He’d prefer to return to the same resort, where he knows the schedule and what to expect each day of the week. c. He’d choose your family’s traditional spot; it holds warm memories for him. d. He would pick New York City. It will be a new adventure, and he can already tell you the four sites your family must not miss.
9. Other people are always remarking on your child’s:
a. energy and enthusiasm. b. attention to detail. c. thoughtfulness. d. leadership ability.
If you circled mostly a’s, your child is likely to be primarily interested in being with other people and having fun.
If you circled mostly b’s, your child is probably tends to focus most on getting things just right.
If you circled mostly c’s, your child most likely cares deeply about others’ feelings.
If you circled mostly d’s, your child probably most values adventure and being the leader.
Note: Many children have several characteristics from several of these types.
For loads of tips and ideas for encouraging a child’s positive personality traits and dealing with parent-child personality conflicts, check out the book Delight in Your Child’s Design.
Also, don’t forget to subscribe to Writing Tips and History Tidbits (subscriber form, top right) if you’re a fan of quirky, fun posts — including those history related — and enjoy creative nonfiction writing tips.
SPECIAL GIFT!
By the way, I’m offering something special to my readers to help celebrate Mother’s Day everyday in May. If you download the Kindle version of this book, I’d be pleased to mail you a signed first edition paperback (published by Tyndale/Focus on the Family) for free. (Free shipping to US addresses only.)
Use my Contact form here at CrossConnectMedia.com to send me your mailing address (or that of a mom friend or teacher) with details about your Kindle purchase. I can even gift wrap the paperback if you like.
This story was adapted from a passage in the book The Power of Parent-Child Play. It was also previously published in Facets for Women magazine.
Six-year-old Tyler typically burst in the door after school, proudly exclaiming, “Look at my math paper!” or waving a dinosaur diorama for me to ooh and aah over.
Other days he dragged in, downcast, needing a hug and a neon green Band-Aid after a fall from the monkey bars.
Once he came in quietly, sporting a gorgeous smile with gaps from missing teeth, whispering to me about his girlfriend, while revealing a stick figure drawing of them smooching. (I could smile, but didn’t dare laugh.)
I usually tried to be available to him after school, as that was a good time for us to connect. But I was to learn the hard way how meaningful that was to my son.
One day, my eyes were magnetized to the computer screen, my hands to the keyboard. I’d frantically worked for hours to meet a deadline. Suddenly the slamming of the front door, down the hall, startled me. With shock and disbelief, I checked my watch. Three o’clock already?
Oh, no! I slapped my hand to my forehead. I was supposed to have picked up my toddler Aimee at the sitter’s house at 2:30! I could have kicked myself for not watching the time.
I flew out of the office, tossing papers in my knee-deep TO FILE pile as I went. “Hey, Tyler! We’ve got to run and get your sister.” No answer. Where could that kid be?
I heard footsteps thump-thump up stairs, and called again impatiently. “Come on, honey…I’ve got to get going.”
Slam! There went the front door again. What? I thought he was upstairs! But through our front window, I glimpsed his small figure hiding behind a bush. I lost what was left of my cool, stomped to the door, and opened it. I yelled, “Tyler, you get in here right now! I’m late picking up Aimee!”
He flew into the house at my request. But to my astonishment, he stormed past me to the bottom of our stairs, sat and crumpled into a ball, sobbing hysterically.
I was flabbergasted. “What’s the matter, honey?”
He sat upright and cried out, “Don’t you know it’s May Day?”
Baffled, I said, “What do you mean?”
Tears streamed down his dusty face as he wailed, “How come you didn’t pick it up? You opened the door, and you didn’t even pick it up!”
Confused, I went to the front porch. There lay a droopy dandelion on the mud-caked doormat: minus the petals, but an accusing yellow beacon, nonetheless.
As I picked up his surprise, guilt crashed down on me. My excuses dribbled out weakly: about deadlines, and stress, and promises to sitters, and it was still April not yet May, and I’d never been given a May flower, and …
I then realized how stupid my reasoning must have sounded to a child whose surprise had gone unnoticed. his act of love unappreciated. And he’d gotten yelled at, to boot.
I told him how sorry I was, reaching for him. He pushed me away and continued to cry. I asked his forgiveness, thanked him for his thoughtfulness, told him how much I loved him
Gradually his slender back stopped shaking. His cries dwindled to sniffles. He allowed me to hug him as he fiddled with the untied laces on his GI Joe sneakers. Finally he stood, and as I pulled him toward me, he buried his face in my shirt. I stroked his hair, and he leaned into me limply.
With great ceremony, I placed his dandelion into an empty 7-Up bottle with a little water. I set it on the windowsill. Sunlight glistened through the green container with its yellow-petaled crown. On the way to the sitter’s house I bought him an ice cream bar to show my appreciation in a tangible way.
As we chatted in the car, tension dissipated out the open car windows. He offered me a bite of his treat, and I knew we were okay with each other again. Yet I also knew that at 3:05 the next day I had an appointment to keep with my son.
Even now when I hear the distress cry “May Day! May Day!” in military movies, I recall the moment my distraction and busyness created real distress in my child, and I nearly missed seeing his gift, lovingly chosen for me.
I suspect that I’m not the only one who’s experienced a crash-and-burn moment as a parent. But children do forgive, and they treasure time given them. In your own family, your schedule and your child’s needs will dictate when it’s best for you two to connect. But it’s also a matter of choice. Plan for it. Savor it! And don’t be surprised when in a sudden, tender moment, your child startles you in a special way, bouncing back the affection you’ve tossed his way over and over again.
Here’s an image of my son at that age, when I made him laugh. How could I not make time for that? Thankfully, those are the memories that most stick. Yes, like all moms, I goofed at times. But I can forgive myself and treasure the joyous times! You do the same.
Laurie
Limited, signed copies of the hardcover book The Power of Parent-Child Play are available in new condition from the author for $10, through PayPal: free shipping if mailed within the USA. Book includes 5-Minute-Fun activities for quick spurts of parent-child play. (Original price: $16.97)
