For her Heart of the Matter podcast, Cynthia L. Simmons and I discussed parent-child personality differences and homeschooling. We also looked back through history at one 1930s mom’s parenting style.
Interview with Cynthia L. Simmons and Laurie Winslow Sargent: Heart of the Matter Radio
For the Oct 2, 2020 podcast, How to Delight in Your Child as You Homeschool, Cynthia asked me great questions related to the book Delight in Your Child’s Design. We talked about ways to inject more fun into parenting that allow children to learn more organically. In other words, when they’re having fun, they don’t always realize they’re also learning. We also talked about leaving a legacy of playful parenting, and about how in some ways parenting has changed little in a century. In this blog post I share a bit of what we discussed, plus a time capsule tip:
This story was adapted from a passage in the book The Power of Parent-Child Play. It was also previously published in Facets for Women magazine.
Six-year-old Tyler typically burst in the door after school, proudly exclaiming, “Look at my math paper!” or waving a dinosaur diorama for me to ooh and aah over.
Other days he dragged in, downcast, needing a hug and a neon green Band-Aid after a fall from the monkey bars.
Once he came in quietly, sporting a gorgeous smile with gaps from missing teeth, whispering to me about his girlfriend, while revealing a stick figure drawing of them smooching. (I could smile, but didn’t dare laugh.)
I usually tried to be available to him after school, as that was a good time for us to connect. But I was to learn the hard way how meaningful that was to my son.
One day, my eyes were magnetized to the computer screen, my hands to the keyboard. I’d frantically worked for hours to meet a deadline. Suddenly the slamming of the front door, down the hall, startled me. With shock and disbelief, I checked my watch. Three o’clock already?
Oh, no! I slapped my hand to my forehead. I was supposed to have picked up my toddler Aimee at the sitter’s house at 2:30! I could have kicked myself for not watching the time.
I flew out of the office, tossing papers in my knee-deep TO FILE pile as I went. “Hey, Tyler! We’ve got to run and get your sister.” No answer. Where could that kid be?
I heard footsteps thump-thump up stairs, and called again impatiently. “Come on, honey…I’ve got to get going.”
Slam! There went the front door again. What? I thought he was upstairs! But through our front window, I glimpsed his small figure hiding behind a bush. I lost what was left of my cool, stomped to the door, and opened it. I yelled, “Tyler, you get in here right now! I’m late picking up Aimee!”
He flew into the house at my request. But to my astonishment, he stormed past me to the bottom of our stairs, sat and crumpled into a ball, sobbing hysterically.
I was flabbergasted. “What’s the matter, honey?”
He sat upright and cried out, “Don’t you know it’s May Day?”
Baffled, I said, “What do you mean?”
Tears streamed down his dusty face as he wailed, “How come you didn’t pick it up? You opened the door, and you didn’t even pick it up!”
Confused, I went to the front porch. There lay a droopy dandelion on the mud-caked doormat: minus the petals, but an accusing yellow beacon, nonetheless.
As I picked up his surprise, guilt crashed down on me. My excuses dribbled out weakly: about deadlines, and stress, and promises to sitters, and it was still April not yet May, and I’d never been given a May flower, and …
I then realized how stupid my reasoning must have sounded to a child whose surprise had gone unnoticed. his act of love unappreciated. And he’d gotten yelled at, to boot.
I told him how sorry I was, reaching for him. He pushed me away and continued to cry. I asked his forgiveness, thanked him for his thoughtfulness, told him how much I loved him
Gradually his slender back stopped shaking. His cries dwindled to sniffles. He allowed me to hug him as he fiddled with the untied laces on his GI Joe sneakers. Finally he stood, and as I pulled him toward me, he buried his face in my shirt. I stroked his hair, and he leaned into me limply.
With great ceremony, I placed his dandelion into an empty 7-Up bottle with a little water. I set it on the windowsill. Sunlight glistened through the green container with its yellow-petaled crown. On the way to the sitter’s house I bought him an ice cream bar to show my appreciation in a tangible way.
As we chatted in the car, tension dissipated out the open car windows. He offered me a bite of his treat, and I knew we were okay with each other again. Yet I also knew that at 3:05 the next day I had an appointment to keep with my son.
Even now when I hear the distress cry “May Day! May Day!” in military movies, I recall the moment my distraction and busyness created real distress in my child, and I nearly missed seeing his gift, lovingly chosen for me.
I suspect that I’m not the only one who’s experienced a crash-and-burn moment as a parent. But children do forgive, and they treasure time given them. In your own family, your schedule and your child’s needs will dictate when it’s best for you two to connect. But it’s also a matter of choice. Plan for it. Savor it! And don’t be surprised when in a sudden, tender moment, your child startles you in a special way, bouncing back the affection you’ve tossed his way over and over again.
Here’s an image of my son at that age, when I made him laugh. How could I not make time for that? Thankfully, those are the memories that most stick. Yes, like all moms, I goofed at times. But I can forgive myself and treasure the joyous times! You do the same.
Laurie
Limited, signed copies of the hardcover book The Power of Parent-Child Play are available in new condition from the author for $10, through PayPal: free shipping if mailed within the USA. Book includes 5-Minute-Fun activities for quick spurts of parent-child play. (Original price: $16.97)
